If It's Love
by crushed veneer
Summary: Annie finds a new love interest, which doesn't sit well with the group. So they decide to meddle...and mess things up.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hello again! I had so much fun writing my one-shot I figured I'd go ahead and dabble in a multi-chapter fic. Hope you enjoy it!  
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><p>Annie puts on her big girl voice and announces she has a date.<p>

Nobody responds.

Jeff continues to bless Bejeweled with his amazing dexterity; Shirley shows a less than interested Pierce pictures of her sister's mission trip; Troy and Abed watch a preview clip of the latest Kickpuncher movie on youtube, and Britta puts her Radiohead CD in her discman and becomes nostalgic.

"Ahem," Annie clears her throat. She stomps her foot repeatedly on the carpeted floor until Jeff looks up. "Isn't anyone listening to me?"

"You said you're late," Pierce bellows in annoyance. "Who cares."

_This_ gets everyone's attention. Jeff drops his Blackberry as if it's infected with an incurable disease and gets to his feet.

"I'll kill him," he seethes, reaching over to smack Britta's arm when she's still lost in the music. "Annie's late."

"No!" Annie tries to cut in with a whine.

"Late for what?" Troy asks in confusion. He tilts his head to the side and contemplates Jeff's statement. "For an important date?"

"Her period," Abed informs him. "Which means she could be pregnant."

"Spoiler alert," Pierce throws his hands up in the air. Abed shakes his head.

"Oh, An-nie," Shirley whimpers, rocking back and forth. "How could you be so careless?"

"I'm not-"

"Oh!" Troy shouts, just getting it. "She's late for her…" His eyes immediately slant into anger as he stares at Annie, making a fist. "What's his name?"

"You guys!" Annie pouts petulantly.

"I'm a little surprised," Pierce pipes up and Jeff's waiting for him to reach in his bag to pull out a prepared statement. "I figured no man would be able to penetrate Fort Knox until they put a ring on it."

Jeff stops himself from banging his head on the table. "Stop talking. Now."

"Are you going to keep it?" Britta asks skeptically. "Because you have options, Annie. You didn't get pregnant to end up on Teen Mom, did you?"

"No!"

"You're not thinking about abortion, are you?" Shirley butts in with her "holier than thou" voice. She glares at Britta. "A child is a blessing from God, Annie. You best be thankful you're able to conceive a child. A lot of people-"

"What if she did want an abortion?" Britta argues defiantly.

"You wanna go there?" Shirley bites back darkly.

"Nobody wants to go there," Jeff says with a touch of superiority in his tone.

"When are you due, Annie?" Abed asks quizzically, flipping through his notebook to pull up the girls' period chart.

"That's a dumb question," Troy chuckles. "Everyone knows a baby takes nine months to grow. Then the stork has to fly it to Greendale and drop it on Annie's doorstep. Or…Dildopolis I guess." His eyes widen back to saucers. "What if someone tries to kidnap the baby? What if they mistake the baby for a vibrator?"

Annie is practically crying. "I'm not pregnant!"

"You're not?" Jeff looks at her in relief. "Thank God. I wasn't ready to be a grand…" He hates himself for even thinking that thought.

"So what are we squawking about then?" Pierce rolls his eyes.

Shirley reaches over and squeezes Annie's shoulders. "You had me worried!"

"I said I had a date," Annie babbles. "But no one was listening. _As usual_."

Jeff doesn't like this revelation either. "What's his name?"

"I'll kill him," Troy follows suite with a head nod towards Jeff.

"Are you sure you're not pregnant?" Pierce questions. "Because you look-"

"Pierce!" Britta yells. "No more talking."

Pierce guffaws and puffs his chest out. "You can't talk to me like I'm a child!"

"One more word and no dessert at lunch," Britta threatens with a terrifying glare. Pierce attempts to argue back but slumps back in his chair instead. "Good."

"Guys," Annie complains with a pout. She crosses her arms and look back and forth between Britta and Jeff. "I'm going on a date and you can't stop me."

"What's his name?" Britta asks genuinely, kicking Jeff under the table when he still looks rabid.

Annie brightens up immediately. "His name is Dylan McKay. I met him-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Jeff interrupts with a laugh. "Dylan McKay? You're going out with someone named after a Beverly Hills 90210 character?"

"Huh?" Annie whispers in confusion. "Don't you mean Dixon? There's no Dylan on 90210, Jeff."

Jeff feels old because he has no idea they remade Beverly Hills 90210. "Abed?"

"Beverly Hills 90210 premiered October 4th, 1990," Abed clues everyone in simply. "Dylan was the quintessential bad boy who dated Kelly and Brenda. He also turned to a life of drink and drugs."

Annie wrinkles her nose. "I wasn't even born then."

"Of course you weren't," Britta groans, commiserating with Jeff.

"Dylan's twenty six," Annie defends her date stoically. "So in retrospect, Dylan McKay was named after my Dylan."

Jeff snaps his head towards Annie. "Oh, so he's _your _Dylan?"

"N-no," Annie counters nervously. "I'm just saying."

"Don't you think twenty six is a little too old, sweetie?" Shirley asks sweetly.

"Oh, for hell's sake," Pierce laughs a little too loud. "In my day, girls Annie's age married forty-year-olds."

"No dessert," Britta snaps, banging her hand on the table.

Pierce glowers. "What? Why?"

"She told you to stop talking," Jeff informs him matter-of-factly. "That's what you get for not listening."

Pierce mumbles some curse words and sulks childishly.

"So is this guy named Dixon or Dylan?" Troy wonders aloud. "I'm so confused. Dixon is a funny name," he adds in with a giggle. "It has the word dix in it."

"Real mature," Annie glares before turning back to Jeff. "I don't see what the big deal is, Jeff."

"There is no big deal," Britta begins calmly.

"The big deal is," Jeff cuts in, "you're too young to be dating a twenty six year old."

"Oh, but I'm not too young for you to kiss me?" Annie fights back with her big girl voice firmly in tact.

Jeff falters. Pierce gloats, "she's got you there, Winger."

"Go wait in the hall," Britta demands while pointing her finger towards the door. "I'm serious, Pierce. Three strikes and you're out."

Pierce makes a point to throw his chair across the room while storming out. Troy watches on in amusement while Abed frantically scribbles down notes. Jeff pouts and reminds himself this is exactly why he doesn't respond to Annie on Facebook chat. He's still afraid she's going to invite him over one day and there will be a camera crew with Chris Hansen there, asking him to take a seat in a corner where he will be tarred and feathered. He shudders and reminds himself that while she is legal, she's still a kid. A hot one nonetheless.

"Are things official between you two?" Shirley prods inquisitively. Annie's too busy trying not to cry to answer.

"Let me check," Troy says, taking out his phone. He looks at Shirley and shakes his head. "Nope. It's not Facebook official."

"Facebook Official?" Jeff scoffs. "Are we in the eighth grade?"

"Uh," Troy gets offended. "Nothing is official until it's on Facebook, Jeff."

"I'm sorry," Jeff says sarcastically. "I must have missed the memo."

"I'll forward it to you," Abed tells him, clicking away at his computer. "Okay, sent."

Jeff rolls his eyes and looks back at Annie. "So where is he taking you?"

"I'm not telling you," Annie finalizes with a sniffle, gathering her things. She stands to her feet and holds Jeff's gaze firmly. "From now on, I won't be sharing any intimate details about my personal life! I'm not a child. Why do I have to keep reminding you that?"

With that, Annie storms out, realizing all too well that walking out with a pout is exactly what children do.

"He's taking her to The Red Door," Abed tells everyone nonchalantly.

"How do you know?"

"It's on Facebook."

Jeff throws his hands up in the air. "Is everything on that damn website?"

"Pretty much," Troy nods his head. "Including pictures of you from high school. Nice mullet, dude."

"I thought I untagged those," Jeff grumbles in embarrassment. "Well guys, get ready. It looks like we're going to The Red Door tonight."

"Oh, Jeffrey," Shirley sighs. "Leave Annie alone."

"No," Jeff shakes his head. "Who takes an underage girl to a bar? A BAR?" He looks to Britta with his late statement. "This is your fault."

Britta's mouth opens in offense. "How?"

"You got Annie that fake ID in the first place."

"Only after _you_ suggested it."

"It's still your fault."

"Real mature," Britta rolls her eyes. "Nobody goes to The Red Door on Thursday nights except for…"

Jeff gets nervous when Britta trails off. "Stoners and ex-convicts who want to turn their life around by joining a garage band."

"Say what now?" Shirley asks in confusion.

"It's open mic night on Thursdays," Britta explains. "It's just an excuse for a bunch of nobodies to get up and sing and pretend like they're not over the hill."

"There's a band of registered sex offenders that play there every Thursday," Jeff adds in with a shudder.

Shirley starts rocking back and forth. "Oh, no."

"Dylan's friends are in a band," Abed pipes up from his computer. "They're called the Sex Mad Clintons."

"Oh, no," Shirley repeats.

"How clever," Britta complains with an eye roll. "Of course Clinton got off looking like the man and Monica Lewinsky was forced into a life of shame."

"He was impeached!" Jeff points out.

"But then acquitted," Britta counters. "Which goes to show how much unjust power men have over woman."

"Duh," Troy shakes his head. "He was the president, Britta. Of course he has all the power. He has to run a whole country!"

"Troy, don't bother," Jeff warns, making a crazy gesture towards Britta. "Besides, this is 2011, Britta. Not 1996."

"And nothing has changed!" Britta fights back. "Do you see a woman president?"

"Are we spying or not?" Abed butts in before Jeff can respond. "I've got three pairs of binoculars in my room. If we get to the bar before Annie, we can all hide in different places. Who wants my plant hat to blend in with the bamboo plant?"

"What?"

"I googled a layout of the bar," Abed continues. "There's a bamboo plant in the corner by the bathroom. The stage is directly across from it. Annie will probably be sitting at a small table. We'll have perfect access for viewing their date."

"This is wrong, guys," Shirley tries to reason with the group despite wanting nothing more to throttle this Dylan guy. "I love Annie but I can't spy on her. It's not Christian."

"Think of Dylan putting his hands all over Annie's breasts," Jeff says before pausing. He lets the visuals soak in and continues when Shirley's face becomes angry. "That's not very Christian, is it?"

"Jeff," Britta scolds defiantly. "What is the big deal about Annie going on a date?"

"He's afraid she'll leave the nest," Abed shrugs simply.

"I'm not her father, Abed," Jeff scowls. "Despite what you may think."

"I know," Abed agrees with a nod. "But we're a family. And since Annie's the baby of the family, it's hard to see her branch out and do things on her own. You're afraid she's going to run off with this Dylan character and rebel."

"Huh," Britta muses. "I think Abed's right."

"I know," Abed nods.

"Obviously," Troy adds in, looking at Britta weirdly.

All eyes are on Jeff as he nervously rocks in his seat. "Are we going to The Red Door or not?"

Everyone but Shirley nods enthusiastically.

"Hands all over her breasts," Jeff whispers. "Thoughts of pre-marital sex brewing in his mind…"

"Aw, hell," Shirley gives in. "One wrong move and I'll crucify him."


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you all so much for the reviews! I really appreciate it. :)  
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><p>"Of course Dylan has an eyebrow ring," Jeff complains as he adjusts Abed's binoculars.<p>

They're sitting in his parked car across the street from the bar, spying on who they only assume is Dylan. No matter how many times Jeff mentioned pre-marital sex and broken condoms, Shirley still backed out at the very last second.

"And a tattoo," he continues with a scoff. He watches as Dylan lights up a cigarette and blows the smoke in the face of a brunette girl who's got her back turned. "He's smoking! Annie hates smoking!" When the girl goes to take a drag, Jeff nearly has a heart attack. "Annie's smoking!"

"That's not Annie," Troy says from the backseat. "Dude, can't you see? That's Annie's hot-but trashy-doppelganger from school."

"It's true," Abed confirms with a nod. "Her name's Georgia but she was born in Ohio. Her parents named her after the state she was conceived in. She's trying to quit smoking but finds it hard because she's an art student and struggles a lot with the muses."

"Did she borrow a pen in class?" Britta asks knowingly.

"A pencil."

"Ah," she mutters to herself, turning to Jeff. "Nice spy skills, James Pond."

Jeff looks over at Britta weirdly. "James Bond, idiot."

"Whatever," Britta scowls.

"Besides," Jeff starts to defend himself. "My night vision is only sub-par. In the daytime I have 20/20 vision."

"Sureee," Troy laughs.

"I do," Jeff whispers to Britta sadly. "I do."

"It's okay," Britta patronizes, stroking Jeff's cheek. "Your vision becomes compromised when you get older."

"Are we ready for this mission?" Abed asks tiredly. "Troy and I aren't sitting here in camouflage for nothing."

"You guys look ridiculous by the way," Jeff snorts as they get out of the car. "This isn't _Saving Private Ryan_."

"You're right," Troy smiles with a gleam in his eye. "It's _Saving Private Annie_!"

Britta puts an arm out to stop them from crossing the street without looking. Jeff rolls his eyes, makes a mom joke, and spends the short walk to the other side rubbing his aching shoulder. Abed and Troy inspect the war paint under their eyes to make sure it's still in tact. This gains the attention of the burly bouncer. Britta knows him (of course). Jeff rolls his eyes as Britta tries to "catch up" with him. He coughs loudly and shoves Britta into the bar.

"Anyone want a drink?" she asks sullenly.

"We're not here to drink," Jeff practically screeches, pulling Britta back. "Does anyone see Annie?"

Troy and Abed shake their heads. "I'll check the floor," Abed says.

"There are a lot of hot girls here!" Troy grins as he surveys the place. "Ladies love a man in uniform. Don't they, Britta?"

"How stereotypical," Britta rolls her eyes. "Of course men think _all_ women find a man in uniform attractive. What if I came to the bar in a mechanic's uniform? Would you still think I was attractive?"

"Uh," Troy blinks his eyes rapidly. "I gotta pee." With that, he scurries off and disappears into the crowd of tattooed losers Jeff hates.

"Do you ever stop?" Jeff says to Britta rhetorically. She opens her mouth to say something but before she can, he waves her off. "Shut up."

"I'm just trying to help Troy understand women better," Britta argues.

"Again, shut up."

Britta sighs overdramatically and squints her eyes when she sees Annie sitting at a table with Dylan. She almost smiles. Dylan's not quite what she expected. He's got a neatly shaven head and seems to have a nice sense of humor because Annie's laughing quite a bit. She makes a mental note to let Annie know how a man's ego balloons when you overindulge them too much.

"Look at them!" she coos while tugging on Jeff's arm. Jeff whips his head around and lets out a groan when he gets whiplash. "They look so cute!"

"He looks like a hobbit," Jeff bitches, pulling his arm away from Britta's.

"He does remind me of Elijah Wood," Britta says. "But that's totally unrelated. I think he's cute."

"Isn't he gay?" Jeff gets excited at this presumption. "What if Dylan's gay?"

"Really?"

"Yes!" Jeff smiles happily. "That's totally it. Dylan is gay and Annie's his…that thing people call the girl dating a Jonas Brother. Where's Abed?"

"It's called a beard," Abed says from behind Jeff and Britta, who turn around in fright.

"Where did you come from?" Jeff asks, pushing Britta away when he realizes he's holding on to her for dear life.

"The bathroom," Abed answers quickly. "And no. Dylan is not gay."

"Let me guess," Britta begins flatly. "He asked to borrow a pen?"

"No," Abed shakes his head. "Troy and I saw him in the bathroom."

Jeff wrinkles his nose. "I don't like where this is going."

"Me either," Britta agrees. "I need a drink if I'm going to sit through this story."

"Intermission," Abed bows his head and follows Jeff and Britta to the bar.

Britta immediately makes a comment about the female bartender. "You know, that woman is probably going home with hundreds of dollars just because her boobs are hanging out. She probably doesn't even know the difference between tequila and scotch."

Jeff's too busy rifling through his wallet for some extra ones to listen to Britta drone on about how women are objectified as sexual beings in bars. Abed orders a beer and waits patiently for Jeff to stop flirting. Britta interrupts with a cough, which causes the bartender to walk away without taking her drink order.

"That's what you get," Jeff informs her in irritation. "Now thanks to you, she won't come near me ever again," he complains, taking a sip of what he thinks is scotch. "And this is tequila."

"See," Britta gloats as Jeff puts the drink back on the bar. "I bet she's a beauty school dropout who decided she wanted to be a bartender after seeing _Coyote Ugly_."

"Please," Jeff scoffs. "I seem to recall somebody dropping out of high school to impress some band."

Britta raises her index finger, fuming. "Not just any band."

"Can we get back to Dylan?" Abed asks in between sips of beer

"Yes," Jeff turns to him. "Please tell us about your threesome in the men's bathroom."

"Okay," Abed nods. "Fade in: we see three men in a dingy bathroom at some dive bar in the middle of town."

"Abed," Jeff warns.

"Fine. Troy and I followed Dylan to the bathroom."

Britta stares in disinterest when Abed launches into a whole spiel of how Troy can only pee if someone is one urinal away and when Dylan came in, he got nervous and complimented Dylan's shoes.

"I don't see how any of this has to do with Dylan not being gay," Jeff butts in as he shakes his head. He stares at Abed blankly. "Fast forward to the part where you made the assumption that Dylan likes boobs."

"Can you not?" Britta sighs. Jeff responds by sticking his hand in her face.

"Have you ever seen _Legally Blonde_?" Abed asks, waiting for the answer. Britta nods and Jeff looks offended.

"I'm not a sorority girl," he snips.

"Well there's a scene in the movie where Elle confronts the pool boy who is testifying against Brooke Windham," Abed summarizes. "She meets him at the water fountain where she taps her shoes to get his attention."

"And?"

"Enrique turns around-"

"Wait, who's Enrique?" Jeff cuts in.

"The pool boy!" Britta yells in annoyance, reaching for Abed's beer and guzzling down half of it. "Aren't you paying attention?"

"He never said the pool boy was named Enrique!"

"So? Just let him tell the story!"

"Don't make me turn this car around, you two!" Abed shouts, using his best dad voice. Britta and Jeff stop fighting and stare at him. "When Enrique, the pool boy, turns around, he says to Elle: 'don't stomp your last season Prada shoes at me, honey!'" Abed sasses in the best high-pitched tone he can muster.

"I am so lost," Jeff admits incredulously.

"It's there Elle concludes Enrique is gay," Abed finishes with pointed eyebrows.

Britta closes her eyes and wants nothing more than to hang herself with the electric guitar chord up onstage. Jeff continues to shake his head and has no idea how to respond when Abed opens his mouth to speak again.

"When court resumes, Elle rushes to Emmet to let him know the revelation."

"Abed!" Jeff shouts. "If I wanted a summary, I'd go on IMDB. Give us the cliff notes before I inflict pain on myself."

Abed becomes frazzled and has to take a moment to collect himself. "When Troy looked down and saw Dylan's shoes, he asked them what brand they were."

"Okay?" Britta whispers.

"He didn't know," Abed finishes with a shrug. "He said he got them as a gift and has no idea about shoes. He's not into that kind of stuff. He likes music and-"

"I think Abed is trying to say that Dylan's not gay because he's not into shoe brands?" Britta says, totally unsure of herself.

"Exactly," Abed nods. "Plus he said he's on a date with this really great girl."

"Aw!" Britta smiles.

"Aw! _No,_" Jeff mocks with a glare. "Why didn't you just say that in the first place?"

"I assumed you needed a visual."

"How can I visualize something I've never seen?"

Britta bursts into laughter but Jeff cuts her off before she can make some snide comment about naked women, or something like that.

"Alright," he claps his hands, looking back and forth between Abed and Britta. "New plan. Britta, you're going to seduce Dylan."

Britta's mouth gapes open. "What? No!"

"I can put on wig and do it," Abed offers, a little too quickly for Jeff's liking.

"Why?" Jeff asks Britta with his arms crossed. "Annie's stolen your men…this is the chance to get back at her!"

"I am not stealing a 20-year-old's boyfriend," Britta says with a glare. "Yes, I may have thought about it once or twice, but you know what? I support this relationship. They have my blessing."

Jeff looks like he's going to crumble and all that's going to be left is a goop of expensive hair gel imported from France. "Why?"

"Because," Britta grins devilishly. "It drives you crazy."

"It does not."

"Yes it does," Abed nods his head in agreement.

"Does not."

"Yes it does," Abed repeats robotically. "It does, it does, it does."

"It doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't," Jeff seethes.

"Okay," Britta steps in before Abed can argue back. "Why don't we just relax and get a drink. Let's enjoy the music."

Jeff pouts. "I don't want to." He looks at Annie and Dylan smiling and laughing together. Then, a light bulb goes off. "I have an idea."

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><p>Halfway through their date, Annie finally let's herself relax. Dylan's easygoing and not too high maintenance like former lawyers named Jeff Winger. She laughs at his jokes because they're funny, not because it will add an extra boost to the ego. Dylan compliments her and doesn't retract it seconds later, reiterating for the umpteenth time that she's just a kid.<p>

She realizes it's okay to enjoy herself. The world isn't going to end just because she's not at home studying genital mutilation while watching reruns of _The Nanny_.

"Do you want another drink?" Dylan asks with a smile. He polishes off the rest of his beer and gestures towards Annie's empty glass.

"Oh," she pauses, her lips pursed in deep thought. She's not entirely sure if it's okay to have a third screwdriver since she already feels tipsy after two. "M-maybe?"

Dylan senses the uneasiness in Annie's voice. "You don't have to," he adds in, his fingers brushing against her arm. "I won't be mad."

But before Annie can respond, the big burly bouncer that let her in after scrutinizing her ID for ten minutes comes storming over.

"Can I check your ID again?"

"Is there a problem?" Dylan asks honorably. Normally Annie would swoon in pride but she's too busy trying not to have a mental breakdown to emote anything but fear.

"But, but you already checked it."

The bouncer glares harshly. "I have reason to believe it's fake."

Annie's two seconds away from puking. "Why?"

"So just because she's from Texas means her ID is fake?" Dylan defends with slight anger in his voice.

The bile's rising in her throat.

"No one asked you, Pretty Boy."

Annie reaches in her clutch and bites back the tears. Stupid Britta and her stupid friend for giving her this ID. Stupid Troy for turning 21 and stupid _Annie_for whining about being left out. Stupid Caroline Decker for being a drifter.

She gives the bouncer the license and tries to turn away so he has a hard time comparing her appearance with Caroline Decker's smug smile.

"This isn't you," the bouncer finalizes with a sigh. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Annie complies with a quivery lip and stands to her feet. Dylan looks at her in complete confusion.

"I'm s-sorry," she sniffles before disappearing into the crowd and out the door.

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><p>Britta's phone rings just as she's done washing her hands in the grimy bathroom. She knows it's Annie because of the idiotic Disney ringtone she set for her one drunken night. And because she's Britta, she has no idea how to change it.<p>

"Hello?" she answers while glaring at the girl next to her taking a glob of paper towels to dry her hands.

"Britta?" Annie sobs loudly.

Britta feels her heart drop immediately. "Annie? What's wrong?"

"Oh, Britta," Annie continues to cry, a few incoherent words thrown in here and there. "Dylan took me to the Red door."

"Really?" Britta feigns surprise. "Did he do something to upset you?"

Forget about liking Dylan now.

All Britta wants to do is go back to the bar and rip Dylan a new one and maybe even let Jeff throw a punch or two.

"N-no," Annie whispers. "The, the bouncer knew my ID was fake and made me leave! I'm _so_ embarrassed."

This had Jeff Winger written all over it.

"Are you busy?" Annie continues softly. "I, I need a ride home. Dylan drove us here and I, I don't want to face him. I can't ask for a ride home."

"Uh," Britta pauses.

"It's okay," Annie hiccups. "I can, I can call a cab."

Britta wonders why Annie calls her and not Shirley. Granted, Shirley would have a Christian-centered lecture ready but wouldn't hesitate to jump in her van and pick Annie up.

"No, no," Britta protests, feeling kind of cool that Annie wants her help. "You know what? Was it a bald bounder?"

"Yes," Annie sniffles. "A big, bald, and mean bouncer."

"Just tell him you know me and he'll let you back in. Trust me."

"What if he doesn't?" Annie starts to panic. "What if he calls the cops on me?"

"He won't," Britta reassures her quickly. "If he hesitates, just say you know all about the drag queen incident of 2008."

Annie clears her throat. "W-what?"

"Trust me," Britta repeats. "He'll let you back in."

She hangs up the phone and rushes out of the bathroom, just in time to see Jeff flirting with some busty redhead at the bar.

"Hey," she interrupts with no shame.

Jeff glares immediately. "Look, lady. I told you before: I've already been saved."

"You're an asshole, you know that?" Britta snaps, making an effort to size up the redhead when she has the nerve to look over with a judgmental look.

"Come here," Jeff hisses, grabbing onto Britta's arm. He leads her over to the corner and makes sure his potential one night stand stays put. "Don't screw this up for me."

Britta pulls her arm free. "Like how you screwed up Annie's date? She just called me crying, Jeff! You told the bouncer her ID was fake, didn't you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Jeff shrugs with a smile. Britta whacks his chest and he's forced to come clean. "I had no choice! When you went to the bathroom he was all over her!"

"So?"

"So?" Jeff guffaws. "Do I need to bring up Micro Nipples?"

Britta shudders. "Dylan isn't Vaughn."

"How do we know that?" Jeff counters. "As Annie's Greendale Parents we need to make sure guys like Dylan stay away."

"Okay, no," Britta shakes her head. "You can't refer to yourself as Annie's Greendale Parent. You lost that right when you stuck your tongue down her throat. It's incestuous."

"Maybe if you were on my side from the beginning I wouldn't have opened my mouth," Jeff says with a smirk. Britta glowers. "Jeff:1; Britta: 0."

Britta eyes the front door carefully and smiles when Annie slips back in. They're still far away enough to stay covert, despite wanting nothing more to walk over to Annie and tattle on Jeff. But she stays put, gesturing for Jeff to turn around.

"What did you do?" Jeff yells with widened eyes. "How did she get back in?"

"You're an amateur, Jeff," Britta smiles from ear to ear. "I guess this means we're tied."

Jeff flags down Troy and Abed once Britta scuttles away triumphantly. When the two men join him in the corner, he huddles them together. "Troy, have you ever mugged someone?"

Troy jumps back in offense. "Why? Cause I'm black?"

"Okay, wrong approach," Jeff mumbles. "We lost Britta to Team Dylan. You know what this means?"

"We lost Britta to Team Dylan," Abed repeats with a shrug.

"Can we go home?" Troy whines, tugging at his collar. "This uniform is itchy!"

Jeff throws his hands up in the air. "Am I the only one who cares that Annie could be dating the next Charles Manson?"

"You're starting to scare me," Troy whines as he inches closer to Abed.

"You're not gonna go all _Misery_ on Dylan, are you?" Abed asks sincerely. "You're becoming obsessed with Annie, Jeff"

"That's ridiculous," Jeff crosses his arms. "I'm merely trying to shield Annie away from potential heartache by eliminating future suitors."

"Let's go," Troy says to Abed, backing away from Jeff. "That vein in your neck is about to explode, Jeff."

Jeff goes to say something but stops when Annie stomps over to them all supervisory with her hands on her hips. Troy holds onto Abed in fright.

Annie's got on an "I'm going to murder you face" and Troy knows this is going to end in tears. And there's a 90 percent chance they're going to be _his_ tears.


End file.
